Friday, June 3, 2016

Gorilla What?

How easy it is. We find something we feel passionate about and become the worst form of ourselves. Not the version you would find at a family gathering or an intimate evening with friends. No, the worst version of ourselves comes out when we find ourselves challenged and we disagree- but we have the safety of a computer screen. I am not immune to stupidity.

I found myself- in the midst of all the opinions about who was to blame for a child falling into a Gorilla exhibit at a zoo- in a crazy thread between myself and a friend on Facebook. We both hid behind our computer screens and typed/shouted at one another about a Gorilla and a child. I am not eloquent enough, or timely, to really express what I think. This mom did a pretty good job. 

That being said, I was not the best version of myself that day. I was self righteous that day, opinionated, and confident in my opinion. It wasn't a wrong opinion, but it wasn't right either. I demanded if the person I was speaking to enjoyed judging people- all the while judging her myself. It ended with us not being friends on Facebook anymore - as if that is a testament to weather or not we're really friends.

At first, I told my husband that I felt really terrible for blocking this person, and for saying the things I said, truthful as they may have been. But he said something profound to me. 

"Don't think about it as if it's losing a friend. Think about it like letting go of a person who doesn't help you be the best person you can be. If you are your worst version of yourself with them, then is it worth it to be like that; even online?"

Wow. Thanks husband for holding the mirror up to nature. It wasn't that she was terrible. It's that I was terrible responding to her. Whatever our disagreements, they are completely irrelevant. To be the best person, and the best mom I can be... before I judge any other mom or caretaker, I have to take a long hard look at myself and find my own short comings. Because my own fault doesn't justify me being cruel.

So for being cruel, I apologize. I apologize to you, dear reader, because she may never read this. And because I may have at some point been cruel to someone just like you. I didn't mean to be, but I was. We all have those days we need to atone for. I'm trying hard to be a better person, I don't always succeed. But today, almost a week after a poor kid fell into a Gorilla exhibit, lets be kind to one another and remember that we're all human.

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