Hospital Run

Miserable and Unhappy Baby.

Being sick sucks. It's even worse when your kid is sick because you can't tell them they'll be ok, and you can't ask them to explain what hurts. You just have to hold them and try to make them comfortable.

I have never considered myself a helicopter mom. I believe a little dirt is good for her. I believe that learning by trial and error is also good. But at 2:30 am, the 102 fever had not gone down in 24 hours and the breathing became labored. It was time to make a hospital run.

She breathed heavy for the entire drive. It was a little surreal driving up Penny Drive at Seattle Children's when it was pitch black out. We got into the ER and we checked in.

The nurse and the Resident came in to begin exams for heart, weight, temperature. Typical questions: How long has she been like this? Two days? What was her temperature when you checked it last. 102. When did you notice the change? Late Thursday she had a cough, Friday it was a temperature and cough. Tonight her breathing changed. Any idea where she might have contracted it? Well she and her baby friends were swapping bottles like they were at a wine tasting, so my guess is there. All work stopped while the nurse and resident got a hold of themselves from hysteric giggles. Apparently I'm funny.

Cuddle Time!

One we got through the crux of it, they said she did have some wheezing sounds, but they sounded nasal, not chest. The on-call doctor made the final exam and said he was sending her home. Keep an eye on her but there was nothing to do but wait it out and make her comfortable. If it got worse, come back but right now this was just her body's natural and normal response to a virus.

We were home by 3:30 am. We got her some cough syrup approved for toddlers 12 months and over called Zarabee's that proved to be most effective at both suppressing her cough and helping her kick it. 

Back to normal. Oh thank God.

Ondine's Journey: One Year.

Kids man.

They change your life and you never really know how until you have them. And you're nodding your head and raising a glass to me if you have kids or shrugging your shoulders that's what everyone says if you don't. It's just the way it's gotta be.

I guess there's LOTS of videos out there for people celebrating their children. There's the dad that shows the transition of his kid for the first 12 years (which, by the way... that takes dedication!) Same with this dad who did 1 second a day from birth for a year.

We're not that organized. We are however filmmakers so it would be just unacceptable if we didn't have some footage of her. Turned out we had 6 hours of footage. Wow. Lucky for us, my husband is an editor, and it didn't take him long to whittle it down to 10 minutes of our favorites.

If you started at the beginning with us, you know what a journey it's been. And that Ondine's Journey, while not entirely unique, it was a difficult and beautiful journey.  I hope you'll appreciate this little window into our life with her, the triumph and trails and the extraordinary beauty that just radiates from Ondine every step of the way.

The Power of a Poster... And a Trailer... And a...

Alrighty.

I've been at this filmmaker thing a while now. So I think its fair to say I know a thing or two.  But as my industry is ever evolving, my education is in need of constant refueling. Thus was the case with our most recent bout of Press Kits, One Sheets and Treatments for our feature film, The Anniversary.

In November I talked about the circus that is the American Film Market. We went as armed to the teeth as we could with our one page treatment, our one sheet that looked like a poster and a list of potential connections we wanted to flesh out. We built our pitch based on the "tips" from the AFM itself and from fellow filmmakers who had previously navigated the gauntlet.

It was pretty successful. We got three face to face meetings, several more email inquiries and some really excellent feedback. Lost of potential, but not much came from it... except new knowledge, the means to a sales agent and the experience to guide us forward to our next pitch.

Well, we now have our film available online, both on IndieFlix (streaming) and on Vimeo on Demand (Rent or Own). And IndieFlix likes our film enough to help us polish the package for pitching to the next market. So here are some tips I've learned from them.

1. Pitch Perfect

You would think that this would be obvious, it's not. Your pitch is your films first voice. It's critical to be aware of how words fall on ears that do NOT belong to your intimate friends or family. You have no more than 3 or 4 sentences to captures your entire film before they get bored. It might even help if you can narrow it down to the length of a Tweet, especially for your log line. Pretend your pitching an unfinished film to a studio executive- it will help you hone your message. Also, be consistent. If your website says one thing and the Press Kit another, it may not be clear they are the same film. Copy-Paste is ok here. When you're in person, go ahead and razzle-dazzle each individual pitch. In the written form be specific, concise and consistent.

2.  Unique Snowflake

Do you have any idea how many independent films were made last year alone? Me neither. But that's sort of the point isn't it? We have a vibrant community that supports itself largely off itself. But for every professional that's spent years perfecting their craft there is a dude with an iPhone convinced he'll be the next Terrence Malick. Maybe he will. The point is this, there is a LOT of noise to break through, and a lot of other filmmakers who have had the exact same idea as you. So figure out what makes your film different. We made a horror film. Every filmmaker makes one at some point. It's just a matter of when. Strike one. We have a cast of unknown actors. Strike two. We have five hot female leads that are real, not plastic. Ok I'm listening. We set it in the 1980's. You have my attention. We have 20 bands signed on for the sound track. Money. Let's do this! While it was something we were proud of during post-production, it didn't occur to us how unique that was until a distributor at AFM said so. Mind, blown.

3. It's in the Network

We've been fortunate enough to garner a fair amount of reviews, interviews and general chatter about our film. One of the best reviews we've received was from Cinema on the Rocks. Quotes from outside sources, even if they are small outlets, say the film has been seen by eyes that are not your mom (love you mom) and they have a firm opinion of your film. It's also nice to see that your film has a greater reach than just your family. In fact, if you haven't spent time building an audience for your film on platforms like Twitter or Facebook make sure you have it in some other form and make sure you can prove it. Buyers want to know they are both the "first" to "discover" your little gem, they also want to make sure it's a sellable product.











4. Product not Art.
I just want to make movies for the art of it. Good for you. But at some point my guess is you have to pay rent. And the landlord doesn't accept "art" as form of payment. Here's the thing, filmmaking IS art. Every part of it. The issue is your buyer doesn't care how many hours you spent building it from the ground up, they want to know they can get an ROI. Buyer want to know if they can re-sell your product to a larger audience.  And truthfully, don't you want that to? You want to know that someone cares about your art. Which means they have to buy it. Recently I've been exposed to this dirty little secret: distributors wont even watch your movie. They bade their purchase off your pitch, poster and or trailer. That's it. So when talking to potential distributors or formulating your pitch remember your also asking them to buy your product, however artistic it may be.

5.  Survival of the Fittest
There is something to be said for perseverance and adaptability... while maintaining that unique voice we talked about earlier.  We had one agent ask us to change the title of our film. After our initial knee-jerk temper-tantrum of "No, no, no!" We asked what his suggestions were. We realized that if it was just our title holding us up and we dug in our heels, it wasn't worth it. A fellow filmmakers title changed 3 times to my count before it was settled on by distributors. When we heard his suggestions, we realized exactly what they were, SEO search words.  Titles that if randomly typed into Google would yield results. We ultimately agreed that none of them suited the film, but we started working on a new poster. Something Eye-catching. Ahem, *cough* ->


Suffice it to saw we've done a lot of work on this film, and we've learned a LOT about marketing it. Sometimes we get advice that while well intended is not helpful, other times... like when IndieFlix coached us on our Press Kit, it changes your whole perspective on how your film might be received. Which means keep learning, keep evolving and never give up.

One Year.

I can not believe it. This time last year I was waddling around “nesting” and getting ready for the big day. This year I’m running around getting ready for her first birthday.

It’s been a journey to say the least. Not just the Cleft, but normal baby milestones and regular every day living.

My most frightening/rewarding/challenges of the last 12 months:

1) Gave birth to a beautiful girl and now having a new life to care for.

2) I left the security of a 40 hour steady job to a real careers in a field I’m good at that also brings me joy.

3) Watched two of my best friends say “I do” at their wedding and then grow in love and life together.

4) Co-Produced 4 short films, one music video and was in several more + we screened our feature film for our investors.

5) Traveled to the American Film Market and learned a LOT about business.

6) Held my little girls hand through 2 major surgeries and all the medical treatment in between.

It’s strange, because I can’t really imagine a time without her. I know there was a long period of my life that was baby free. And I have those fond memories of shenanigans. But honestly, it feels like she was always there.

And now that I can hold her, she’s given me such profound direction. Not that I wasn’t clear about my path before, but by stripping distractions and focusing on what’s important I’ve been able to direct my goals and grab the reigns of my own life more than I ever have before.

So yeah. One year. I no longer measure it by the first of January and the end of December. Time is now measured in moments with Ondine, and I like that time frame.

Actors Beware

To say I've been in this business a while is a long stretch.  I was 6 months old in my first film. The little one in pink, that's me in the opening sequence for "Mass Appeal" staring Jack Lemmon. Now, as an adult I write, produce and one a good week I get to act too. So I've been doing this some time.

I preface this with that because I don't want to give the impression that this post is by some poor no-expereince soul who was swindled by a scam artist. Oh no. I've been around a while and I've seen this dog and pony show before.

Recently I was contacted by a local management company. They had messaged me on my profile through Stage32.com which by some miracle I saw (I'm never on the damn thing).  So I set up an audition with them, prepared my monologue/headshot/resume and made a trip to their office. Remember it's important to note that they invited me to audition for them.

It was a terrible audition. The monologue was fine, not as funny as the film it's from but neither is the scene. But the commercial audition... Oh my lanta! It was not for a real product, it was a generic one off of their website they asked me to memorize. It was poorly written but my performance was no excuse. I gave a BAD audition. And much to my surprise the Manager asked me to sit, and discuss my future.

She asked what I noticed most about them. The first was that they were a faith based company if their logo and the cross by the door were an indication. The second was that they had a fair amount of resources for prospective talent on their website- even if they didn't list a single talent person but a lot of "clients" they've worked with.

She told me a I needed new head shots (which was true) and that in three weeks there was a New Faces mandatory meeting before they signed anyone. Ok, I'd never heard that one before but the industry is evolving so quickly right now a sort of staff meeting seems like a good way to establish expectations between new talent and the management company.

My red flags flared when they suggested one, and only one, photographer. I went to the photographers website and it was "under construction." That's all well in good, but it's still under construction. It's been that way for weeks and I can't find this photographer anywhere else.  Hmmm.

I'd like to use my own photographer please.

We don't like Seattle photographers. They don't understand LA style.

Well, here's a link to her work, I would really like to at least consider her.

We don't like Seattle photographers.

lisasquaredphotographing.smugmug.com

At this point I insist on using my photographer. Mostly because if they refuse it's a complete red flag, see you later thanks for you time situation. I mean Agents and Mangers can and will suggest photographers they trust but they by no means should insist on one, and only one. The second because I want to give paid work to a local I trust over an out of towner whose website is down.

I checked in with some of the casting directors I have a personal relationship with about LA style, photographers and their thoughts. Yes there is an LA style. And  a NY style. And an "everywhere else" style. A good photographer will know that. No your manage/agent should never insist on only one but rather make suggestions and work with you on decisions.

Suffice it to say that I worked with my photographer. But once they saw the proofs, they couldn't find anything nice to say. Mind you, I'm not yet signed. My resume is full of current work and expected work shooting over the summer and I had just fulfilled the one thing they had requested: Get new head shots. I'm confirmed for the mandatory meeting and ready to hear their pitch on why they are the company I should work with.

Then I get an email. It talks about trust, and relationships. How they don't feel a need to do things on my terms. Basically it was an it's our way or the highway letter.

After a lifetime of film work both in front of and behind the camera I have learned a thing or two. Most importantly when to walk away. I politely thanked them for their time, and walked away.

168 Hours of SUCK!

Well. I try to stay positive, and I’m sure I’ll end this on an up note. But this week sucked.

Ondine’s surgery was a huge success. She was under a bit longer than expected, but with skilled surgeons comes perfection, which takes time. What I neglected to mention was how our once happy sleep-through-the-night little girl is absolutely stir crazy most of the evening. From frustration, from pain, from dizziness that I’m sure gave her a headache and from the disorienting feeling of not being in her safe zone.

I spent most of the night trying to get her not to cry. I’ve never been able to not get her to cry or sleep. Not since she was a newborn and I was just learning to read her needs. This is as heartbreaking as it is disheartening. It gives this impending since of hopelessness that already bound up in your inability to explain to an infant that it will be alright.

Once in a while she would fall asleep in my arms only to wake

screaming the moment I tried to lay her down. This went on for hours. Around 4 am she exhausted herself to a point that she couldn’t possibly stay awake and passed out. When the nurse came in to check vitals I told her I might kill her if she touched her (I’m kidding. Mostly). So we decided to let her- and me- sleep.

2 hours later it was time for our neighbor baby to get her treatments. I vaguely heard the physicians walk past us and to her side. Ondine however woke right up, pulled a glove off and stood up, shaking the bars of her cage crib to get attention. And we were back at it again.

I decided to move her to my couch bed so that she might waste some energy crawling. Nope. She only wanted to break free. She crawled to the edge and stuck her head through the open door while I held onto her tiny little hospital gown. She watched the staff at the nurse station for a while but eventually got mad she wasn't allowed to crawl.

She had so much energy and was eating so well that two hours later when my husband arrived they told us we could go home after some paperwork, a full 24 hours early.

This was good an bad. Good because now Ondine had a family space to crawl and play in. Bad because now we were 100% in charge with only us and family to help- all of who were leaving us within the next few days.

This has been a repeat MO for the last week. Every night we have a little “discussion” about bed time. She falls asleep in our arms only to scream as soon as we set her down. Once we finally get her down it’s about 2 hours before she’s awake demanding comfort usually.

I spent a bitter sweet night where she fell asleep n my chest like she used to when she was new born only for her to wake in a start and scream in pain and discomfort for the next hour.

Last night however, after an evening with our church Ohana group, she went right to bed. She woke once, and then again in the morning bright and early. We’ve learned to trade off and couldn’t make it through without our  friends, family and church friends brining us food so we could focus on her. Which surprised me. I don’t ask for help easily but find that if there is help offered I will gratefully accept. Especially food. Less cooking = happy mama.

So I guess it wasn’t all suck. There were good moments and beautiful souls who helped us. But my prayer is for one full night of sleep. For her and for us.

All the Little Voices

The hardest thing about staying overnight at a children's hospital is the cries of little ones whom you can't help. Our daughters roommate was young, newborn from the sound of her. She had a team of 4-10 doctors/nurses/specialties/leadership that participated in her care as often as she needed it. I couldn't see her, and her parents were not there for whatever reason (and in my experience it's a good one) but I can't help comfort her. I'm too busy comforting a little one of my own.

Ondine has always been a vigorous child.  She surprises doctors constantly at how strong she is and how well developed at less than a year.  And yet all sorts of precautions have been exercised as part of the protocol of Craniofacial patients. For example we waited two hours post surgery to even see her because it's standard protocol.

I'm not comparing, Seattle Children's is the best place to be for this.  But that doesn't make it easier.

When Ondine came to us, she was zonked out. We figured that was the drugs. But it lasted through one of the most hellish nights I've ever experienced with her.

Ondine typically sleeps through the night. We're that blessed sort of family who have a routine for her and stick to it. Her naps and awake times could set military protocol. Bit everything is off now.

When I did manage to get her down for 2.5 seconds, the Ronnie baby had a fit, wanting mommy but only having a nurse to attend her needs. She cried so Ondine did.

This quickly delved into full on fits as the pain increased in tandem with her hunger and the realization she was no longer in charge. It was a fight to get her to sleep, and eventually we just had to put up the crib bars and let her cry because there was nothing we could do.

But the hardest part was taking her home. That should be your moment of triumph. But it's not. It's terrifying. Because now it's up to you to be a good mom without any guidance other than a pre-printed pamphlet the hospital gave you.

And each time I give her meds, she zones out. But not in that high as kite funny ha-ha way. It's that stare at a wall I'm not here sort of way.

Luckily she's a tough kid and the meds ware off quickly. She resolves that the gloves aren't coming off and learns to crawl with them. She still signs for milk and mama under the messing restricting her fingers. She still wants to only fall asleep in my arms.

In a way it's like she's a new born again, only this time she's Mighty Mouse. This time she has cognitive reasoning and the strength of ten babies. But she cuddles and falls asleep in my arms, that semi-sweet slumber that says thank you mom for making this not suck so bad. Okie kid. Any time.